April's Fool
by Tsaritza Mika
Summary: On the eve of Kurz's birthday, Melissa finally promises to screw him.


Finally, the best day he could have ever asked for was upon him. In twenty-four short hours it would be his birthday, and he had just been promised that which he always sought, yet could never obtain. Melissa Mao had just promised to sleep with him, making this one birthday look like no others had ever existed before it. Practically skipping down the Danaan's cold metal halls, Kurz literally felt like he was walking on sunshine. Having been cooped up in his bunk trying to make sure all of his paperwork would be done in time, his stomach wouldn't let him go on any longer without sustenance. Melissa had been very specific when she had given him the guidelines that had to be met before the promised day, and like the true gentleman he was, Kurz would do whatever it took to please her. Well, when it meant something was in it for him too as well.

Most of the time he just got too much enjoyment over pushing her buttons, waiting for the moment when the fire would flare up in those amazing violet eyes of hers. He could stand a little pain and discomfort if it meant that he got to see the wildcat beneath the surface peaking through from under the total control of her rank. Sure she was great to hang around with, knocking back a beer or two after a mission and cracking jokes with the rest of the guys, but something had always told him that buried somewhere beneath all of that, there was a normal girl who was just afraid of getting hurt again. From what occurrence this came he wasn't sure, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it was what got her kicked out of the marines.

Either way, ever since those first days in the Mithril training grounds, he'd all but forgotten that other women existed. Sure, he kept up the facade that he would take whatever was offered from any other woman on the street, but in his heart, there was only one who could ever shake up his world so much that nothing else seemed to matter. Finally reaching the mess hall, he grabbed a bag of chips and a cold beer from the fridge before sitting down in one of the booths. Cracking open the top, he took a long drink before leaning back and stretching out his tired shoulder muscles. Leaning over a desk for close to four hours wasn't exactly comfortable. Glancing up when the door opened, he waved Sousuke over to join him for a short while. "Hey man. You heading back to Tokyo soon?"

"Affirmative. I just have to finish up my reports before I head out on the chopper." With a slight dramatic sigh, Kurz pushed over the open bag of chips, offering to share with his young friend for however long they had left to hang out before he headed back to his post.

"Too bad man, you're gonna be missin' out big time."

"Missing out on what?"

"On what? Dude, tomorrow is my birthday party! And here I thought we were buds!"

"Mm. My apologies, I had no idea. But I have a test tomorrow and Chidori would be angry if she went through so much trouble to help me study just for me to miss it."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. Don't sweat it man, tomorrow's looking _way_ too sweet for me to care about much else anyway."

"Something else is happening?"

"Totally! Sis finally agreed to screw me!" Sousuke's blank expression stared back at him, before the neurons began firing again; unfortunately, they misfired.

"...I don't understand."

"Dude! Don't tell me you've been in Tokyo for this long and you don't get what it means to 'screw' someone!"

"I fail to see what significance a fastener characterized by a helical edge has to do with your birthday, or the Sergeant Major." Kurz would have a large red hand print on his forehead before tomorrow if he kept slapping it out the his friend's cluelessness. If he remembered right, and that was debatable due to potential brain damage caused by such actions, Sousuke's response had incited an 'epic facepalm'.

"Man, what the hell? Have you been makin' out with Kaname too much to learn anything of value or something?"

"What does 'making out' mean?"

"UGH!"

* * *

He'd woken up early, brushed his teeth and hair, gargled and everything else he could think of to make sure he would be ready when she came. He'd found a note left for him in his e-mail saying that she'd meet him in the mess hall around 1030 hours, and that she would give him his _'present'_ then. Kurz was so anxious that he couldn't stop from fidgeting. Every time he stopped tapping his finger, his leg started bouncing, and vice verse. He was getting a little nervous, it had been a while since he'd actually done anything, and he wondered if he could still remember any of the tricks and tidbits he'd picked up.

He was worried a little too. There were still a few people in the mess hall, most of them just talking with buddies over coffee that had still been in their mugs after finishing breakfast. How were they supposed to do anything in the mess hall with all these people around? Or...maybe Melissa was into that sort of thing? No, that couldn't be. She may have no shame when drunk or while shootin' the shit with the other guys, but she didn't seem like the kind of chick who got her rocks off by doing it in front of people.

Finally, he saw her walk in, relieved that she wore her normal fatigues. He was probably just over thinking things. She probably just wanted to use the mess hall as a meeting place before heading back to either his bunk or hers. Seeing her wave as she headed over, she had her hands behind her back the whole time, and he started to wonder if maybe she'd brought him something monetary in addition to the a fore mentioned promise of hot sex. "Hey Kurz.."

"H-Hey Mel..." That was definitely new. He sure as hell wasn't used to her purring at him, and even less used to how she was leaning over the table and purposely flashing such a generous amount of cleavage.

"So are you ready?"

"Hell yeah! Let's go! I got stuff in my bunk ready to go and-"

"Oh we don't have to go anywhere..."

"You mean you wanna screw me right here? In the mess? With everyone watching?"

"So, you don't want it then?" Panicking a moment, Kurz waved his hands in front of him, as if to assist him in dispelling any doubts about whether or not he wanted to lose himself in the gorgeously dangerous body in front of him.

"Y-you got it all wrong babe! I just meant-"

"Then shut the hell up and close your eyes!"

"Eh? Close my eyes?"

"Duh! Dumbass, a kiss is far more romantic with your eyes closed!"

"Oh, uh, okay then..." Quickly obeying, Kurz closed his eyes, lips puckered and leaned forward, his mind counting off the milliseconds before he'd finally be graced with Melissa's kiss._ 'So that was it! She just wanted to get in the mood and show off a little! Then we can head to one of our bunks and-' _His eyes blinked open when instead of a set of warm and inviting lips, he felt something cold and a little pointy. "Huh?"

Melissa had pressed a fairly large, shiny screw, most likely used on any of the AS's they stored in the hangar, in lieu of her mouth to his. A little confused, and his frightened disappointment growing, he stared up at her, a faint light of hope still shining in his blue eyes. "M-Mel?"

"Well, my work here is done! That took less time than expected, maybe I do have time to visit Tessa..." Setting down the screw, she stood and began sauntering back over toward the entrance.

"Hey wait a minute! What the hell is this?" Holding up the large screw she had left in front of him on the table, and a sinking feeling growing in his gut.

"Oh that? That's proof of course!"

"Proof of what!"

"You see Weber, over in America, April first is actually a holiday; one of my favorites in fact."

"A holiday?"

"Yup! And I just made you my April Fool! Later!" Staring in disbelief as she continued her walk out of the mess, Kurz was left at his table, alone and very thoroughly screwed.

* * *

**So there you have it. Honestly it feels like it could have been better, but as this is the first time I've focused solely on Kurz and Mel, I'm not surprised that I find it a bit lackluster in comparison to some of my others. Oh well, they can't all be gems right? I certainly gave it the best first try I could. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!**


End file.
